It's funny how time welcomes what we never imagined into our lives. Against all odds, I found myself prepared for the meeting of my husband. I woke up one day with a strange hankering to join eHarmony a few years back. That all-consuming prodding widdled away, all day long, at a promise I made myself and closest friends, "I will never internet date! I want a real love story!!!" By late afternoon, I found myself finishing the long questionnaire created by Neil Warren and paying the fee with excitement. Who would have known how that day would impact my future. A little over a year later, I waved my singleness and life in San Francisco goodbye. And now, a few years later, I find myself sitting in front of this same computer screen, happily married, blogging and (joyfully) 10 weeks pregnant.
I did not wake up this morning with a mission to blog. In fact, I've thought little to nothing about even starting a blog. And besides, when would I ever have time for such things?
People's actions are motivated by countless influences and as we learn about the composition of our nature, our awareness of self and others can grow more clear, if we let it. It's nice to find context for my choices and some clarity while preparing for motherhood. For years I have driven myself to do. To get things done and create more projects that need completion. And while quite content in all of "this doing," I have also given myself little time to face an on-going fear, a fear that as of this morning I am no longer allowed to ignore.
Let me just say it out loud and clearly... I am afraid of being boring.
I spent the morning (while doing load after load of laundry) confronting this fear and forgiving myself for carrying such a heavy burden. This is day two, or is it three, of my "between job" phase? This gift of time I have between working as a Labor and Delivery Nurse and transitioning into a stay home mom, is just what the doctor ordered. And while I am perfectly happy with my life, and not in the least bored, this strange gnawing exists. I bet you some of my friends would laugh at the idea of my fear of being boring. But I am. And if I don't deal with this fear now, the "mundanity" of early motherhood might feel more scary than it really should.
So why am I writing all of this as the start to my blog, "Sprouting Like Spring?" Well, shortly after coming to terms with the existence of my fear this morning, a friend emailed and asked me to blog. She wrote, "You are a thoughtful, funny writer and take fun pictures - both of which would make for a great blog." And later wrote, "I would love to read your blog if you start one!"
Marti... Here's to you! And to growing into the fullness of who we are to be as zany, ridiculously cool, Chicas de San Miguel. Thanks for the hint hint, nudge nudge! And to anyone else who might read this blog... should you discover me a boring blabbler, please don't ever let me know! Sometimes dealing with fear means denying the truth (wink).
